was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
