she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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