i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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