Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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