do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
