My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize