I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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