This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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