Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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