My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
