i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
