We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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