I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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