do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize