Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
