youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
