Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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