Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
