I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
