I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Im part way to drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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