Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Randomize
