it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
