dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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