My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
