awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
