I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize