Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
