totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
