I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
