She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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