Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
