The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
