is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
