I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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