yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
