U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
