xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
