today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
