So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
