hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
