I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
