Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
