I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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