Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
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