More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
