You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
