My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Enjoy the penises
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
