He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
