By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
