remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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