i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
