it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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