are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
