i don't like sucking hair
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize