so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
