I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize