I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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