is your mom at the bar?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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