you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
