I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
