I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
