I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize