pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
