I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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