Kareoke will never be a sober sport
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
