I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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