Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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