my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
