if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
