I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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