tell your sister to shave her snatch
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
