Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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