Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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